Texas Teacher Job Description
After being interviewed by the school
administration, the eager teaching prospect said,
"Let me see if I have this correct:
"You want me to go into that room with all those
children, and fill their every waking moment with
a love for learning. And I'm supposed to instill a
sense of pride in their ethnicity, modify their disruptive
behavior, observe them for signs of abuse and even
censor their t-shirt messages and dress habits.
"You want me to wage a war on drugs and sexually
transmitted diseases, check their backpacks for weapons
of mass destruction, and raise their self esteem.
"You want me to teach them patriotism, good citizenship,
sportsmanship, fair play, how to register to vote,
how to balance a checkbook, and how to apply for a
job.
"I am to check their heads for lice, maintain
a safe environment, recognize signs of anti-social
behavior, offer advice, write letters of recommendation
for student employment and scholarships, encourage
respect for the cultural diversity of others, and
oh, make sure that I give the young ladies in my class
fifty percent of my attention.
"My contract requires me to work on my own time
after school, evenings and weekends grading papers.
Also, I must spend my summer vacation, at my own expense,
working toward advance certification and a Masters
degree. And on my own time you want me to attend committee
and faculty meetings, PTA meetings, and participate
in staff development training.
"I am to be a paragon of virtue, larger than
life, such that my very presence will awe my students
into being obedient and respectful of authority.
"You want me to incorporate technology into the
learning experience, monitor web sites, and relate
personally with each student. That includes deciding
who might be potentially dangerous and/or liable to
commit a crime in school. I am to make sure all students
pass the mandatory state exams, even those who don't
come to school regularly or complete any of their
assignments.
"Plus, I am to make sure that all of the students
with handicaps -- mental and physical -- get an equal
education regardless of the extent of their disablility.
And I am to communicate regularly with the parents
by letter, telephone, newsletter and report card.
All of this I am to do with just a piece of chalk,
a computer, a few books, a bulletin board, big smile
AND on a starting salary that qualifies my family
for food stamps!
"And of course, I must be able to eat lunch in
less than 15 minutes, while returning parent phone
calls, completing paperwork that is due immediately,
and/or answering emails from central office or the
administration."